How to avoid passing on bad advice

As parents, we do our best to help our children navigate the world successfully. This can sometimes include passing on advice given to us when we were younger. 

However, some sayings, mottos or ‘pearls of wisdom’ – call them what you will – may not be appreciated or appropriate. 

In an article published by the youth platform VoiceBox, one young person shared the worst pieces of advice they’d been given by older generations – from career tips to mental health.

So what do parents need to consider about passing on advice? And how might they reframe their support?
  

“You aren’t working hard enough if you aren’t successful”

Do a quick internet search and you’ll find hundreds of quotes, from business leaders to influencers, promoting hard graft as the secret to success. 

While there may be some truth in this saying, the article argues that it is "oversimplifying a complex issue.” 

“It doesn't take into account that success is influenced by many factors beyond just individual effort,” the young person writes, pointing to financial privilege and systematic barriers playing a part in achievement. Research from 2023 backs this, with around a third of UK businesses saying it is hard to get a job without a ‘connection’. 

The article also points to further bad advice that advises to “always go above and beyond” in the workplace. This, the young person believes, promotes an “exploitative work culture.” 

“Trying to constantly exceed expectations without something to show for is a surefire way to get me burned out and stressed,” they write. “This will 100% negatively impact both my well-being and my long-term productivity.”

So how might you support them differently? Better advice might be to simply encourage your child to work hard and to their strengths but not ignore that personal circumstances will also have a say. You could also provide more practical advice and support around skills training, apprenticeships, work experience and overcoming barriers – with a range of information available for young people from Youth Employment UK.
 

“Be thankful you even have a job”

Many generations have experienced hard times and high unemployment, and today is not any easier, with one in 10 16 to 24-year-olds not in education or work.

However, in their article, the young person suggests that simply being thankful to have a job can reduce your confidence to advocate for better working conditions or fair pay. 

“Of course, I am grateful,” they write. “But just because I have a job, that doesn't mean I should feel eternally indebted and accept substandard and abusive treatment.”

More helpful advice might instead be to encourage your child if they are in work, while also helping them understand and feel confident in knowing their rights as an employee. 

You could share further expert information around this, including rights for under-18s in work and young people’s basic working rights.
 

“Stop worrying about it”

No parent wants to see their child in distress – and telling them “not to worry” is a way to express it.

However, this risks being a dismissive response to the rising rate of mental health problems in young people – with hospital admissions for 5 to 18-year-olds rising by 65% from 2012 to 2022.

In the article, the young person suggests that “worrying” is a sign of deeper-lying issues. 

“Dismissing mental health concerns minimises the very real challenges and suffering that people with mental health issues go through,” they write. “Depression, anxiety, trauma, etc, require professional support and treatment, not just willpower.”

So how else to respond? Firstly, be available to discuss anything if they want to. If your child appears to be showing signs of struggle, for example, anxiety or depression, you could help them contact their local GP. You can also help them find expert advice for young people aged 11-18 from the charity, Mind. 
 

“Just buy a house instead of 'wasting money' on rent”

Rising house prices and the costs involved in buying a home are so prohibitive that getting on the property ladder can feel out of reach for many young people. 

In the article, the young person dismisses the idea of renting as a lifestyle choice as an “example of older people failing to acknowledge the significant financial and economic challenges that young people face today.”

“Home prices have skyrocketed in recent decades, outpacing wage growth,” they write. “This has made owning a home increasingly unaffordable, especially for first-time and younger buyers who may not have enough money saved.”

Research from 2021 supports this, suggesting that young people of today are half as likely to own their home as their counterparts from 30 years ago. 

This begs the question: what advice can parents give that can really help? Of course, it depends on your circumstances. There are, however, government schemes designed to support first home ownership, which you could explore with your child. This includes information for young people around affordable home ownership schemes.
 

Listening to young people

You can read more viewpoints of young people on VoiceBox, or share with a young person, by clicking here.