How to Navigate Difficult Conversations with Your Child
It might start with a quiet question over dinner: “Mum, what does anxiety mean?” Or a slammed bedroom door after school – no words, just a feeling that something’s off.
One day, your 11-year-old is asking why their body feels weird. The next, it’s divorce, grief, or scary headlines from the news.
These aren’t easy conversations. Puberty, mental health, big life changes – they can be hard to approach or can catch you off guard. They can stir up your own emotions, or leave you grasping for the right words.
But these talks matter. Handled with care, they build trust, deepen connection, and give your child the tools to face life’s challenges.
Here are some simple strategies to help you tackle the tough stuff, together.
1. Pick the right moment
Timing is everything. If your child is stressed, distracted, or in the middle of something important to them (whether it’s a school project or a social event), it’s probably not the best time to bring up a sensitive topic.
Instead, look for moments when your child is calm and open to conversation. Whatever works for you: a car ride, going for a walk, even hanging the washing or doing other jobs round the house. A quiet moment together can be the perfect environment to start a meaningful discussion.
2. Stay calm and patient
It’s natural to feel anxious when you’re about to dive into a difficult conversation, especially if you’re unsure of how your child may react.
However, your emotional state plays a huge role in how the conversation unfolds.
If you stay calm, even if your child becomes upset or defensive, it sets the right tone.
3. Listen first, speak second
One of the most important skills in a difficult conversation is listening.
Before jumping into advice or sharing your perspective, give your child the space to express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns.
The goal is to create a balanced exchange, where you both feel heard.
4. Be honest, but age-appropriate
While honesty is key in any relationship, it’s also important to tailor your responses to your child’s age or developmental stage.
They may be curious about complex topics (for example, relationships, sex, or substance use), but they might not yet have the emotional tools to fully grasp everything.
Be transparent, but remember to guide them through the information at a pace that works for them.
5. Ask open-ended questions
How you phrase your question can invite deeper conversation and allow your child to process their emotions.
For example, you’ve probably experienced that asking, “Did you have a good day at school?” will often just lead to a simple “yes” or “no”. If you were to ask, “What was the best part of your day?” you might get a more in-depth answer.
Open-ended questions invite your child to reflect and share their thoughts without feeling pressured and can help the conversation flow more naturally.
6. When they just don’t want to talk
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, your child may not want to talk.
Children often struggle with expressing themselves, especially when they feel vulnerable or overwhelmed.
Instead of pushing them to talk, give them space. You can revisit the conversation later or offer a lighthearted way back in.
If your child continues to resist, reassure them that you’re always available when they’re ready. Sometimes, simply knowing that they can come to you when they feel ready is all it takes to open the door to communication.
Further support
Some difficult conversations can uncover things that you may not feel equipped to deal with. If you need extra support, we’ve put together a list of trusted helplines and services.
Previous Article 